Seven years of bliss....

Ok, it hasn't been all bliss, but its been pretty darn good.  In October Chad and I celebrated our 7th anniversary.  This one was extra special because over the past 9 months we've only seen each other a handful of times, so getting him all to myself for an entire day was pretty sweet!

We started our day off in KC and The Legends, got some coffee, and then headed to Charming Charlies!  My man is awesome, he walked all around that store with me and totally spoiled me, it was great!  After window shopping there, we headed to City Market for some lunch.  We decided on a Middle Eastern cuisine and shared some shwarama, yummmm.  The falafel was excellent.

After lunch we browsed some antique stores and then headed to the Vera Bradley store to pick out my anniversary gift. 

Isn't she beautiful??  I'm in love!
Finally, we headed to the Plaza and did a lot more window shopping, but had to stop at the Better Cheddar so my sweetie could get his cheese fix.  They have the best cheeses there, if you are a cheese fanatic like my man, that store will blow your mind!  Then it was time for our anniversary dinner, we didn't want to go somewhere that we'd been before, so we tried out Fogo de Chao, it was awesome!  They bring you more meat than you can shake a stick at, and its literally all on a stick!  It was delicious and we were both stuffed, but our amazing server knew it was our anniversary, so he brought us this.

I licked the bowl.  Enough said.  Don't judge, you would too, if you tasted the creamy goodness!

I love you Mr. Graber.  I am truly a blessed woman.  Its been a wonderful 7 years and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with this awesome man!!

8 Months

Its been 8 months since we hugged and said goodbye to my sweet man, as he left for Tennessee.  In that 8 months, he has switched companies, moved to Chicago, been promoted to production manager, again promoted to sales manager, and visited us 4 times.  In the past 8 months, we have started kindergarten and 5th grade respectively, celebrated 7 years of marriage, had a 1st camp-out, lost teeth, made ER visits.  Life still goes on, its a new life, a different life, one where you cram all the snuggling, hugs, kisses, playing, and talking you can into the few short days that we have him here with us.  The drive to pick up daddy from the airport is exciting and fun, the drive back to the airport is gut wrenching.  The goodbyes never get easier.  That being said, I am abundantly proud of my husband.  It is not easy working hundreds of miles away from your wife and kids, but he does it every day, without complaining.  He is sacrificing so much to provide a better life for us, and for that, I am very thankful.  I miss him, so much, every day, but I am trusting God that this will end soon, and we will all be together, and that He will reveal His glory through these sacrifices.  Until then, we will continue to cram lots of kisses, hugs, and snuggles into a few days a month. 

Each day is a gift.

I'm going to try to express what I'm feeling right now, but I'm not sure I'll be able to get it out in words.  Last night I discovered that an old friend of mine lost her battle with breast cancer.  She was my age, she had three children, two boys and a girl.  Even though I haven't seen her in many years we reconnected through Facebook and I've enjoyed seeing pics of her sweet kids and prayed for her through this painful cancer journey.  As I read her best friends blog post last night about her last few days, all I could do was cry, my tears were for her husband, her sweet kiddos, who have to grow up without their mommy's hugs and kisses and for her sweet BFF Christy, who will forever feel like a part of her is missing.  Kathy was a beautiful girl, inside and out, she loved the Lord, and I rejoice in knowing that she is in Heaven, free of pain!

After the shock wore off last night and my tears lessened, I began to pray.  The past six months have been super hard for me.  Chad has been gone due to his job for the past six months, and will more than likely be gone for another six to nine months, maybe even longer.  He visits about every 6 weeks for about 5 days.  This is hard, hard on a marriage, hard on our kids, hard on me.  But, not as hard as losing a wife or mother, not even close.  Kathy's death has been a huge wake up call to me, and when I say huge, I mean SCREAMING IN MY FACE, HUGE!!!

In the past six months, I've been selfish, constantly whining about how unfair it is that I have to do this by myself.  I have been short tempered with my kids, impatient, inattentive, and most of the time, just plain angry.  I am ashamed and saddened by the person I have been, especially to my children.  The same thought kept running through my brain last night and this morning.  Why Kathy?  She was one of the sweetest people, she adored her husband and her kids, she loved Jesus, but yet God called her home.  Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband and kids too, and I love Jesus, but, man do I screw up, a lot, daily!  If anything, this has made me take a good hard look at my life, and I don't want to just "get by" anymore.  I want to live each day giving God glory for every precious blessing in my life, no matter how big or small, I want each of my children to know, without a shadow of a doubt how much their mommy loves them!   I want my kids to know Jesus, because they can see Him in their mother.  I want more and more and more of God in my life, I want to forgive others like Christ.  I want to Christ to touch the lives of others, through me, using me as His vessel.  I WILL remember that every day is a gift from God, we are not promised tomorrow.

This year has been a year of hard, hard lessons.  I've lost friendships, experienced the absence of a husband, dealt with health issues, struggled with my children, had financial trouble and dealt with many family issues, but I will praise Him for each and every trial, because through it all, I've learned so much about God's grace and His mercy, He has used each experience to grow me and my faith.  

Today, I sit here at this computer, and my soul is heavy, my heart hurts, and I am crying for Kathy's family, but I am praising Jesus at the same time, because I can already see how He is using this for His glory.  Thank you Jesus and thank you Kathy, for teaching me some very valuable lessons about life!  It is very precious, and we shouldn't take one single day for granted!  I will miss you friend, but this is not the end, I will be hugging you in Heaven some day!

Words I didn't know 5 years ago.....

Ollie, kick flip, nose slide, tail slide, frontside pop shuvit, varial heelflip, these and many more are  words that would have been a foreign language to me 5 years ago!  Now these words are spoken in my house daily.  Why, you might ask?  Simple.  I have a skater.  And let me tell you, dude, he is sick, and not sketchy at all!  (In average person speak, that means he's pretty awesome!)

This is a bowl, they are pretty intimidating and Noah didn't want to try it, he kept saying, "I'm not a vert skater", but once we convinced him to try, he loved it and did a really good job.

On the way home he was talking to us about how happy skating makes him, and that is why whenever we go somewhere we try to find a skatepark, it is a great outlet for Noah, he loves it, and we really enjoy watching him.  This skatepark is PennValley, it was designed by pro skaters and was built by California Skateparks.  He said it was the smoothest park he had ever skated.  So, even though I never thought I'd have a skater dude for a son, I love it, because he loves it, and I love him!

Ella's First Haircut

I took Ella to the salon this week to get her very first hair cut.  She was very excited!

Checkin out the magazines!

This girl is sassy!  She had to wear her "jewels" to get her hair cut.

Getting ready.

Her first salon shampoo!

 She kept saying, "I wuv you mom."

Pure sass.

For some reason, I forgot to take an after pic once we were all done, but she loved it and she looks super cute!

Princess Ella

Ella turned 3 last week.  We had a princess party.  It was a big hit!  There was lots of pink, lots of cake, and lots of girls!  Happy Birthday Princess, we love you!!!

God is faithful, even when I'm not.

I've gone back and forth in my mind about whether I should write this post or not, but I feel that I have to get it out, write it down, move forward.  On August 1st my husband found out that he would be losing his job of 12 years.  When he told me I felt my stomach drop and the tears began to fall.  In the days that followed we prayed, prayed and prayed some more.  Chad had such a great attitude about it all and I felt that even though it was a shock, we were going to be ok, God was going to use this opportunity to move us on to bigger and better things.  Chad had stayed in a job that was safe, but it was never something that he loved, so even though I was super scared, I was glad for Chad to have a new opportunity.  Two months, we had two months before Chad would be unemployed.  For 2 months we filled out online applications, mailed out resumes, went to interviews, endured phone screens, you name it, Chad did it.  We would get excited about an opportunity only to have the door shut time and time again.  He applied to tons and tons of places, not one. single. offer. 

His last day at his job came and went and we were officially unemployed.  The first time ever for Chad.  On week 2 of his unemployment Chad was offered a job.  He took it.  I wish I could say I was thrilled.  I was not.  Chad took a job with a roofing company where he is a roofing inspector, he checks out peoples roofs, works with the insurance company, works on the jobsite until the roof is complete.  Sounds cool, right?  Sure its cool, he loves it, but for his stability loving wife, there are just a few problems.  It is a completely comission based job.  No sales means no income.  The other problem?  Roofs are typically done in the spring and summer, and we are heading into winter.  Cold weather means no roofs.  No roofs means no income.  No income means stability loving wife gets very, very scared.

Here's where I am going to get real, its not going to be pretty, but it is the truth.  I have not handled this well.  I have not been very supportive to my husband.  I have not prayed enough and I have not been trusting my God.  My husband has, but I have not.  I've cried.  A lot.  I've been pretty ugly and nasty to my husband.  I have felt so sorry for myself and I have been pretty much wallowing in my self pity.  I'm ashamed to admit this, because as I type I can list so many people who I know that are going through much worse things.  Two families that I know of have lost a baby, another family member had a miscarriage, another friend is going through a complicated and dangerous pregnancy, some long time friends are dealing with a serious health issue, a bible study partner is going through chemo, a fellow imom is fighting cancer, and those are just the ones that I am thinking of right now, but there are more.

I know that our situation is going to get better, I know that this is just a season, and I know my God is faithful.  But what amazes me is how faithful He is when I am not.  I have whined and cried and bellyached about our situation and what does God do?  He blesses me.  Yesterday I received a certified letter in the mail and when I opened it there was a card explaining that it was from someone who wished to remain anonymous and inside the card was a gift card to Walmart.  As I read the card over and over, tears started to fall, but this time they were falling because I was so grateful for the grace of God that I totally do not deserve.  I do NOT deserve the love Jesus showers upon me.  I told Chad, that I feel guilty receiving such a blessing when I have acted like such a brat.  Chad reminded me that as parents we want to give our children good things even when they don't deserve it and God is no different, He wants great things for us, even when we act like spoiled brats.

I am not proud of my behavior, but I am humbled.  I am extremely grateful, and I am learning. I am going to look at our situation as a blessing, because I believe that is how the Lord wants me to look at it.  He is in control, He is God and He will provide.  Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness and help me to trust you every single day.

Matthew 14:31 Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"